When Lucinda Ulbricht’s baby boy was born prematurely and died two hours later, she didn’t know how she would survive the grief. Already living with the confusing nightmare of an abusive relationship, she tried escaping from the pain with alcohol, sinking deeper and deeper into depression and anxiety. Finally it grew so severe that she began asking God to come to her in the night and take her home. God did come to her in the night … but not with the intention she expected. Instead of taking her home with Him, He spoke to Lucinda clearly and firmly about the steps He wanted her to take.

That was in early 1995, and Lucinda’s life hasn’t been the same since. Make no mistake, though: although she immediately felt more peaceful, she had to learn how to follow God’s middle-of-the-night directions in her daily life. Through this process, she experienced the joy and healing that comes from turning everything over to God and trusting Him completely.

Difficult as it is for us to comprehend, God really is capable of a personal and unique relationship with each of us and is eager to shower us with blessings and acts of love. Lucinda includes practical tips for coping with addiction, loss, and abusive relationships as well as cultivating a richer, deeper intimacy with God. Regardless of your circumstances, her story will give you hope and help you on your journey toward the joyful life God intended for you.

Life simply was not turning out the way I envisioned. I was stuck in the misery of my emotions, allowing my past experiences to consume my present situations. I was tired and worn out, unable to change the course of my life. With no hope for a joyous or peaceful future, life was bleak. If my life was ever going to change, it was going to take a miracle.

And that is exactly what happened. On January 15, 1995, a miraculous event occurred. God reached out from heaven with a tremendous amount of love and compassion and began to speak to me as He revealed His plan for my life.

It’s about one o’clock in the morning as I lay awake in bed. The silence is deafening. The room is dark with only a slight reflection of light against the wall from a nightlight.

At the end of the bed is a dresser. On the top of the dresser lies a knife. When a visiting family member asks why the knife is there, I respond, “It’s for protection. What if he finds me?”

But I knew the truth. The knife was not for protection. I really didn’t care whether Saul’s father found me or not. The knife was for me. One day, maybe, I would be brave enough to end my existence but not tonight.

Tonight I’m not contemplating how courageous I may be with the knife; tonight I just lay quietly in bed. Familiar thoughts racing through my mind once again immobilize me as I wonder, “How did I get to this point in my life?”

Life was full of disappointments and painful experiences. These experiences created unpleasant memories that began to consume me. Somehow my prayers had changed from those of an innocent little girl saying, “Now I lay me down to sleep” to prayers of pleading for God to take me during the night so I didn’t have to face another day.

“Lord,” I would pray, “why can’t I just fall into a deep peaceful slumber where all of my life’s memories seem to vanish and quietness fills my soul? Lord, why don’t you take me home where my heart longs to be? A home where there are no more tears. A home filled with peace and unimaginable, perfect, holy love. I dream of being in Your loving arms and hearing You whisper in my ear that everything is fine. Lord, why don’t You take me home to be with You?”

The Lord heard my prayers that night and had an answer, but it wasn’t to take me home to be with Him. God had a plan to change the course of my life and show me a new one through His eyes.

I did not arrive at this point in my life because it was God’s great plan for me. Actually, this was not the life God had intended for me at all, and He was about to make that very clear.

As I lay there consumed with misery, it was hard to imagine what was about to happen. Suddenly, in the quiet darkness of the night, God revealed Himself to me. His sole purpose was to comfort and guide my misdirected soul. I didn’t see a magnificent light or hear an earth-shattering voice from a burning bush—as in biblical times when God spoke to Moses—but without a doubt I heard God’s voice as He began to speak to me.