From the section “The State of Mind”
Joyce Meyers has stated, “The mind is the battlefield.” I couldn’t agree more—a battlefield where good and evil are contemplated, thought up, and planned to put into action. The mind is more powerful than we can imagine. It is the key to living a productive or unproductive life. If the mind is filled with hurt, pain, and destruction, the mind will cause those things to manifest in the physical world. Likewise, if the mind is filled with joy, peace, and happiness, the mind will ensure those things are manifested in the physical world.
“Whether you think you can or can’t, you’re right.” Henry Ford
My journey has always been a mental journey which eventually manifested into reality. All the evil, distrust, hurt, abandonment, and rejection I expected, were manifested. My mind kept me in a prison that would last for many years. A prison of pain, distrust, hurt, anger, aggression, bitterness—an attitude that said, “Love does not exist. I don’t need anybody, because people can’t be trusted. They will use you, then leave you.” I did not believe love truly existed between a man and woman.
I believed men and women married for convenience, potential growth opportunities, and status. In my mind, love was just a word to express that you cared for someone, but it was temporary, and there was no real value to it. I believed men had failed women from the beginning, and there was nothing I could do to make things any different or better. It was my belief that men were cheaters, liars, abusers, ignorant, selfish, and just plain inconsiderate. As far as women, they were weak, acted as if they needed a man to feel a sense of accomplishment, and fell easily for the lies. Most of all, they played a lot of manipulation games to get or trap a man. Games and manipulations—I refused to play and do.
From the section “Why Must It Be So Difficult”
Sometimes, being a woman can be difficult. As a woman, I have always had to worry about reputation and image. I did not want to be considered a “loose” female by running around and sleeping with every “fine man” I saw or who tried to hook up with me. As a result, I felt it was better to keep returning to the men I already knew. To me, it made sense, because they would be my “safe” partners for sex. Most of all, I was still keeping count on my hands of the number of men I had been with since my teen years. Being a woman and thinking like a man is a terrible, terrible thing. I always knew that if God had made me a man, I would surely have been single, doing my thing, and causing a lot of hurt, until He struck me down or got a hold of my conscience.
From the section “My Gratefulness”
I have learned to forgive both family and people who have lied, accused, or made false allegations against me. My heart has always been for family and those who have touched my heart. However, there are times when those closest to you can cause the greatest pain. Pain can change us in many ways. It has caused me to draw closer to God and be thankful for those who encourage and support me.
Over the years, people have always known me as an extrovert. However, life and experiences are causing me to change and be content with just a few faithful friends who constantly call and check up on me. I find that I don’t need to be around a lot of people anymore. I am content and grateful just to be. My heart is becoming more open and transparent. I cannot afford to allow too many people near. I am learning to put up some realistic safeguards.